The Late Richard Daley: Trump’s Vote-Finding the Act of a ‘Mook’

“If one of my people was so dumb, he woulda turned up in concrete overshoes at the bottom of Lake Michigan—and I wouldn’t have given the order myself, like an idjit!”

Little Boxes Ain’t the Same: A Ticky Tacky Update

Back in the supposedly golden American 1950s, social critics used to fret a lot about “conformity,” especially the suburban variety. White “ethnics” such as Italians, Poles, and where permitted, Jews, were moving out where “there’s a place for us,” as the song from West Side Story (1957) had it, and forgetting their roots, their union cards, and their New Deal Democratic voting allegiance. Black people were of course not allowed to soil all that suburban green.

A Modest Proposal for the Unwanted Dobbs Babies, and Solving Inflation

Roasted whole, an unwanted child whose mother we in the Supreme Junta have denied the right to an abortion will make quite a splash at a Republican Party fundraiser, or any other great Job Creators’ party.

Back To the U.S.S.R.

To the tune of the Beatles’ “Back in the U.S.S.R.” Rolled in from Russia in my tank todayDidn’t get to bed last night’Cause Czar Vlad says “Ukraine, it belongs to me!”Man, this is a dreadful fightIt’s back to the U.S.S.R.You don’t know how lucky you are, boyBack to the U.S.S.R. It fell apart so fast,

The Angry Bear, the Chipmunks, and the Forest Creatures

Deep in the forest primeval there lived an angry bear. Once, long before, he had ruled unchallenged over the eastern half of the woods, where all the other animals trembled in his presence and hastened to do his bidding, until one night the bear got roaring drunk on cheap vodka, and the spell of fear

The Fed-Up Beavers: A Canadian Fable

The King of the Beavers hesitated to fight back against the renegades, who kept squeaking something about freedom and how they were willing to die for their right to party.

Near-Future News Report: The Carlson-Putin Pact

COMPIEGNE, FRANCE (Associated Murdoch Press) — Some are calling it the Lavrov-Ingraham Pact, after the Russian Foreign Minister and the U.S. Secretary of State who signed it this morning in a railroad car once visited by the First Führer, but this historic agreement between the superpowers is really all due to the genius of Leader